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The Ultimate Truth


Don’t misunderestimate us.

It’s universal. On the third day, God created the undo button ;

I genuinely feel my mom lies to me saying my first words I said when I entered this world were ‘aai’. Somewhere deep down I recall saying “hello world”

I hailed from antithetic world. Everyone made me feel different. I mean, come on, who counts starting from 1,2,3 and so on. Counting for me always started from zero

I am not anti-social; I’m just not user-friendly
Home is where the Wi-Fi is. Family is an institution I love the most. Christmas was THE THING I used to wait for. Santa would come along with gifts for me. Of course, my mail had a complete detailed description of what I wanted and yes, the gift used to be the same as described. BTW, I used to add mom and dad in CC

The world was no more an oddball for me, it was entertaining. Funny people watching me with a question mark on their perplexed face not willing to digest that there can be a thing called “Constant Variable”

As I grew up, the only thing which had the ability to get me paranoid was the fact that my parents might kill me, their only child if the task assigned to me is no longer needed

Movies from my childhood had hacking scenes which were stupid adobe flash games. Two or more hackers (noobs) typing faster than the speed of light ON ONE KEYBOARD, gravity gets zero F’s, logic and Salman never went hand in hand
Conclusion: Sci-fi movies were complete bullshit

It didn’t took me long to realize that the magical mirror owned by Snow White’s mom was the first search engine. Also, her mom’s attempt to kill her was also the first SEO implementation

Hanging out with fine arts student was a nightmare. It was impossible to explain that the root is at the top of the tree, the concept was a preposterous statement

The toughest job I had till date was explaining people that ‘=’ ! = ‘==’

No wonder the people I had to explain the above thing were the same people who thought The Windows desktop’s “Refresh” button is some magical tool which keeps their computer healthy

Of course, how can we effectively oversight people of species who have same meaning for 1 Mbps and 1 MBps ?

You can never watch or listen to anything on the internet without having it copied to your computer first and if in case you format your hard disk, it never actually deleted the entire data
You see, there are just 10 types of people in the world, the ones mentioned above and the ones who worship
SUDO as a God

Quick fact and rule: don’t drink and root. I repeat. Don’t drink and root especially sudo rm -rf /

My high school which fortunately was Bachelors in Computers application program and a few projects (so-called internships) here and there taught me the real secrets of being a super coder.

No matter how much we loved staying inside closed doors, in front of black-blue screen life and world was nothing less than JAVA.
NullPointerException you see.

The number of WTF decides the quality of our code.

Awesome code: ooouuuu wtf dude. wtf woooooow. ohhhh wtf

Non-awesome code : wtf. wtf is this. wtf did you do ? why wtf. how wtf. wtf wtf. I don’t know if anyone gives an F about this piece of wtf

Ctrl + C and Ctrl + V have saved more lives than Batman and Superman.

Sleep was a reason for me to escape from the reality. Sleeping with a problem can actually solve it. This is the reason most of the time you will find me sleeping.

One of the major reasons I am frustrated, I want people to know “A programmer is one who deals with algorithms and design principles, not the one who repairs a computer.“

Deal with us. I now need to find a job in this world of automation.

I am not successful, sometimes I prefer releasing beta

In this world of smartphones, stupid people I at times love spending an entire year figuring out my requirements for my system just to reach to a conclusion that I am now a year older.

New dictionary, new words, news meanings. Push, pull, fork, goto, jump try, catch now has a completely different meaning.

Now we have new things to be paranoid about. The fact that a space-time continuity would come along and throw us into a parallel universe. A simple Ctrl +f9 brings us back to our same old universe by showing us
935 compile errors

Few things do irritate me. Please don’t ask me how this works and forget about asking me why this works.

I don’t know what goes wrong. I just fix it.
coz apparently
There should be one– and preferably only one –obvious way to do it

Whatever I do with my project. How-much-ever time I spend. I have this one special superpower
//TODO: throw away this shit and write all over from scratch

“The true definition of madness is repeating the same action, over and over, hoping for a different result.
-Albert Einstein”
He knew me so well. I-do-the-same-shit-during-compile-errors/..REBUILD../-Hoping-for-some-maigic-ALWAYS

I try not to start most of my questions with OK GOOGLE

My ISI mark for anything is Turing completeness

My only reason to not code is stack overflow going down

I am a person who is clueless whether I love to hate Java or I hate to love Java

By this time I already knew the biggest secret of the century. “ static final and final static are same”

I am an ignored souls (most of the time) thanks to .gitignore

My relations are like Bluetooth connections, paired but not connected

You’ll most of the time find me assigning names to the variables

I do apply 4 eyes principle by looking at the code twice

I prefer playing dumb in front of non-geeks. (even after reading the entire documentation)

Question me have you finished your work. My answer will be IT DEPENDS.

Exclusive from my personal experience “CHANGING VALUES OF GLOBAL VARIABLES CAN RESULT IN

Our single source principle fails at times when I copy code from Kumar.

I COMPLAIN about code with no comments. It makes me happy to see I am not the only one

People say they don’t get my code. Open your mind folks. Open your mind

I was the one to predict 2012. I comment the entire code, also I wrote all test classes, and update the documentation. You see, PURE SIGNS OF APOCALYPSE

My reaction during :
Gradle Building — You stinking little piece of crap.
Gradle build complete — SORRY

My username has always been qwerty, my address asdf street and phone number 123456789
(you know these test values)

I answer most of the questions with 404 or 500(internal server error)

People lie when they say they can’t read between lines. It’s not kernel dump, its stack trace

lorem ipsum screwed upside down WITH the entire Big O Concept.

I would love to thank my parents, teachers, my friends and of course semicolon, to help me no matter what be the situation.

They taught me that nothing in this life is useless. Even “|” key is not useless.

Life’s too short to remove USB safely. Why waste time. So after a lot of brain hammering and killing my neighbor’s cat, (her name was curiosity) I think it’s time to become the World’s F1 button

And now my fellow people,

Follow me, be with me, curse me, love me, do whatever you want and just KEEP LEARNING.
BTW, My stuff never becomes outdated or old. It’s deprecated at times.

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